Sunday, October 31, 2010

My Regular

The sound of people chatting filled the single and open room. An aggregation of conversations filled the air. Several ladies in the corner laughed and giggled at how cute each of their hairstylists were, a seemingly somber couple addressed a number of issues, a young adolescent and a well versed middle aged man discussed “obedience” close by, but all of this was white noise to the ever vigilant studier, Sarah Asher.

A straight “A” student, she calmly read, highlighted and “dog eared” pages in her text book. From time to time she would frantically jot down annotations in her note book and forever seal them in her mind. Occasionally her hot coffee (or tea, depending on her mood), would grow cold as she would get lost in her information overload and she would need to get a refill to re-excite her taste buds. From the outside looking in, she had her life in order. In college she was successful, in her swim team she was consistently pushing herself to be better and not the least bit unattractive. No one, however, really saw her with any group of friends, not even one. People tried to befriend her and would get rejected with walls of excuses; they would just tell themselves “it’s a necessary sacrifice for academic and physical success”, to lessen the pain of rejection. Sarah, even, would say those exact words to keep her mind off of the real reason she kept to herself, her and her books. She knew they were excuses, but as long as she told herself them, she didn’t have to think back on her horrendous childhood.

From childbirth, she was unlovable by her parents. A bastard child is what the world calls her, a beautiful creation is what God calls her. That beauty, that love was so inaccessible to her because of the walls of security she built brick by brick around her heart. Confused by the sexual abuse her father unnaturally forced on her and the lack of sympathy her mother would give her began adding up by the age of five. Nights meant for adventure stories and fairy tales were drowned in the alcohol her father consumed each night, her views of beauty, distorted by a mother who would disappear several nights a week, returning the next morning, makeup smeared. By the time middle school rolled around, she found that if she locked herself away in her room and studied hard enough, she could block out the sound of constant fighting between her two dreadful parents. Someone could be finally proud of her accomplishments, her test scores and gold medals, even if she was the one giving the praise.

The abuse and neglect continued all the way through high school. There was no prom for Sarah, there was no “girls night out”, not even a desire for communication with piers, for that was untrustworthy. From time to time, she would look up from her books while in the library to see friends chatting over coffee, but then sink back into the corner of her heart, into the walls of security, the walls of prison. She knew it was prison, she knew she was chaining herself up on the wall, further and further away from the bars that kept out pain, further into the dark.

And this is where she finds herself today, a regular Starbucks patron. Determination written on her face, shame etched on her heart. The constant books and workouts don’t fully block out past memories or hurts, she knows this, but this prison is all she’s known. All her life. It’s comfortable. It may be prison, but she calls it home, and her heart grows darker each day she spends in it.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Purposes

I don't know what the purpose of this first anecdote was, other than Satan trying to piss me off. And it sucked, donkey balls.

Tuesday night was the first night I got to lead the prayer room, for three hours! Three straight, flat out, no interruptions time with G-dawg. New Life Church has now begun a 7 days a week, 24 hours a day someone always praying movement. They have 56 different people praying for 3 hour periods all at different times of the week so that every minute of every day there is someone praying in the prayer room. It's awesome. I have my three hour block from 9pm to 12am tuesday nights.
It was great! Spending that much alone time with my maker was so fulfilling and I could feel Him moving! I asked God what He wanted me praying for and I got "1st hour - offering up yourself. 2nd hour - Interceding for DLA and The Furnace. 3rd hour - Praying for those who need healing (that included those who's hearts hadn't accepted Jesus). It was great time, I can't wait to do this all year, and hopefully for the rest of my life.
Then it was time to be done, already an hour past my curfew, I had to make my run to wal-mart fast, so I blitzed over to the first wallly world closest to me. My mission - to pick up 10's to 8's ear gauging rings. This walmart did not have it, frustrated I asked a representative how to get to another one. She told me I had to drive quite a ways down Academy to the wal-mart on powers, which was close by my house.
Rocketing once more down what was an urban road which I so pleasantly made an interstate by the speeds I had been commanding, I was off. Several miles down the road the lovely city of Colorado Springs began to look... sketchy. More graffiti, low-riders and baggy shorts (with which I was sure carried an assortment of illegal firearms)all at 1 o clock in the morning. This was def a place I did not want to be lost. Further and further I drove, the more fear and sweat filled my car. Finally freaking out because I didn't want to be here and the fact that wal-mart didn't seem to be drawing any nearer I made a turn towards the direction I knew my house rested. Several other turns later I found myself hopelessly lost in a neighborhood. So unbelievably pissed off, I back tracked and somehow...found myself at the wal-mart. Relieved and pissed all in one, I stormed out of my car, towards the blue building. I noticed some guy on a weird looking machine was running over all the lines in the parking lot when I realized he was re-painting them. Only too late did I notice this for when I lifted my foot to check the bottom of my sole, a huge yellow line was war painted across one of my chucks. Scraping off what I could, I made it into wally world, with not a single representative in sight to open the earring case for me. Frantically I ran all over the store until 10 min later I found someone who could find someone to help me, thank god he was high out of his mind. *rolls eyes*. I didn't get someone who could help me for another 10 min.
At last! Success! I quickly made my way to the only register open, and low and behold, it was *that* guy.
"That guy" is always referred to someone who is so cosmically placed in your life (only to ruin it) that you cannot deny the evil forces against you.
That guy is always different, depending on the location or time of day. Unfortunately , I was in Wal-mart...past midnight. He was the guy who buys every piece of useless crap on every shelf and brings two karts up to the only line available. As if it weren't enough he was "that guy" but he was also the worlds slowest kart unloader on the planet. I had but two items (earrings and new pair of shades). TWO ITEMS! He had the entire store in his kart.
After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally my turn. I paid for my crap and started walking for the door. Easy. Only when I entered the section inbetween the store and ultimate freedom, the guys who were working on the electrical system for the doors screwed something up. I was stuck for another two minutes before they could actually open the door for me, and I'm sure they were making fun of me in their native Swahili tongue.
It was a great...rough night.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Journey

So God rocks. He does. If you don't know this, then choose to be with Him. Don't "try" God. You can't "try" Him. Go hard or go home.

Wednesday was great, we spent most of our day in meetings for our "tribes". The tribes are things we are placed in charge of - such as the college group, the highschool group, planning or accounting. very fortunate for I have the highschool kids (DSM - Desperation Student Ministry). They are the bomb dot com. You can't *not* have fun with them.

Ok, the fun part was not all the meetings about our tribes, it was setting up for our "Desperation night". That was the night that the Desperation band came out and played for over 12 different highschoolers, counting up to about 300-400 kids. The desperation band, first of all, is one of the greatest worship bands out there. If you havn't listened to them, you do not know what it's like to weep because of the love of Jesus.
So yes! We set up for that aannnd as we were getting our assignments (door greeters, name taggers, chair setters) I was pulled aside and asked if I could take the photos for the night!! OMG. It was awesome. I've never been "asked" to do that, I always just kinda do it cause I want to. So I was taking pictures of the bands, the kids, the prayers. IT. WAS. Awesome.
Probably the best part was when the pastor said his five min speech and asked who doesn't know the love of the Lord. About twenty kids raised their hands and accepted Jesus that night. It was awesome, but what was also cool was while they were praying with the pastor, was when I was walking through the crowd takin shots and I'd pass people and just hear "..nd take their hearts for yours God and..." "...rd they need you, be mighty in them to..." "...ace in their lives YOU every day Go..."
That was so cool, hearing all these believers praying for their new brothers and sisters. So cool.

Oh and a kid who hobbled in with crutches was healed and walked out carrying those very crutches. NBD (No Big Deal). NBD because THAT'S the God I believe in.

This weekend the guys have been serving a Men's retreat as the waiters and dishwashers, which is fine and dandy, but we are IN... the mountains. I do a 180 degree turn and see nothing but what looks like exploding aspen (cause the leaves are turning) and mountains. It's so beautiful.
Kylan and I rented mountain bikes and biked through the mountains for about two hours. I took my camera and got shot...after shot...after shot. It's so pretty. I'll put some up soon.
We got back and played some beach the mountains. Nothing better.

Monday, September 20, 2010

My Adjustments

I was born to die. That the Son may live. Let the nation see. I was born to die.

A week ago, those words were just empty breaths, escaping my lungs. His love was real last week, this week, it's alive.

Time, these days, is so irrelevant. I spend several hours a morning in time of prayer, devotion and worship to the One true King. His love abounds in my life and my prayers. "The prayer of the righteous availith (sp?) much".

Sunday I had orientation. I met my leader, my accountability group and other interns whom I now consider family. In all honesty, orientation was bloody boring. =) We did get to do our "junkyard wars". The 12 (?) highschools that attend the youth for New Life Church all came and battled on fields of victory and defeat. We pitted highschools against one another in capture the flag and other games. All in all, it was a success.

Monday was a great connecting experience. We had team building exercises. Our magic boots we wore, our planks we walked, our push ups we persevered through. On that first day we learned that it wasn't that our goal should be to finish strong, it was to rely on each others strength, listen and trust in them. Some we finished, others we left incomplete, but in all of them, we rallied together and was victorious because we were a team. We suffered as a team, we celebrated as a team. Win.

We had prayer that night and of course, it was awesome. We prayed for each person one at a time, restoring hearts and sending forth warriors for the year that is to follow. The team grew stronger in Him.

Afterwards we all gathered together to go bowling, which wasn't as promising as it seemed. There was a league going on and the wait was too long. So we decided to forgo the destruction of armies of white pins and indulge in our sweet tooth. We all went to get ice cream and learned more about each other. We told stories of our past, bonded and shared.

Tuesday was quite the same. Much prayer, great teachings and more prayer. I, personally, already made some stellar friends. Kylen, Taylor, Talisha, Levi, Dori, Annie, Caleb and James are just a few of the names of my new family. I think this year is going to be one of the greatest years of our lives.

Wednesday night we had DSM (Desperation Student Ministry). It's for all the youth. Before DSM, however, we all prayed, worship and connected with God for the hour before for the youth and students. After and hour of that I felt ready to praise God. Which sounds weird because we just praised for an hour, but it's very hard to pray and praise when you are doing it on your own strength. It was great, being able to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice for Jesus and because of that our praise was heard by the heavenly host from above. I already love all the youth. Some are obnoxious, some quiet, some friendly and others clickish. Still, their heart for the Lord is evident and apparent. Which is a plus in my book.

I am going to go back a little and say that the first few days were the hardest because I wasn't sleeping well at all. Come around Wednesday I came to find out that most of my brother and sister interns were having to endure sleepless nights as well. An attack against us came from below as Satan and his armies attempted to hold us back from growing and learning. So we prayed and we are all sleeping so well now. =D

I have to cut this post short for I need to make it to worship practice. I love you all and am praying for you.


Friday, September 10, 2010

My New Beginning (teaser)

The smell of fabreze remains fresh in the room, two queen beds are occupied by my family while I take the fold out couch bed, all in all this was not too bad of a hotel.

Come the marrow I will begin my new life in Colorado Springs, Interning with Desperation. I guess I should get started on my novel...

This particular blog is just the beginning of many posts to come, but for now I must sleep, another six hours of driving awaits me tomorrow. =)

Love always,
Nigel Elvis <><

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Ok so this pretty much just made my day. I think life is now complete...

I can die now...

Monday, August 16, 2010

The fading

slowly, softly she twirls
throughout the world
simply fading away.
Like the running water
like an ignited flame
she captures the eyes
before she withers away.
The weight of a cloud
as thick as the blood
that is a drop in the cup of water.
She is in the mouth
she fills the lungs
slowing killing
as she dances in the light.
Sometimes in white
or maybe shades of gray
she plays until blown away.
She finds her life
in the embers of her passion
but even her source of life
slowly burns away.
Dancing, ever dancing
how she is romancing
how she is entrancing!
...Until breath she cannot endure
Until smoke she is no more
She is but a puff
and simply fades away.